THE REFLECTION for Sunday 25 May 2025
by Rev Ross Scott – “Communication’”
I have a question and there are at least three correct answers.
When you looked at the front cover of the Order of Service did it bring back fond memories? Did it bring back unpleasant memories? Did you think, what is Ross up to? Scripture can do the same thing.
This morning’s reading from Matthew is from the Sermon on the Mount. Matthew brings to us one of the key messages of Jesus. I have used Peter Matheson’s Paraphrase of it in my services a number of times. My hope is that with repetition the values will be normalised. Each time I hear the gospel reading of the sermon on the mount, I am transported to the Monty Python movie ‘The Life of Brian.’
In it there are a group of people on the edge of the crowd on the side of a hill listening to Jesus ,(not Brian), giving the Sermon on the Mount. But they are at a distance. And people are talking around them and someone says, “what did Jesus just say?” The reply is “blessed are the cheese makers for they will be called sons of God.” (Sorry – Monty Python did not use inclusive language.) A long discussion starts as they try to work out why the cheese makers are to be blessed.
This has stood for a long time to remind me of the fragility of communication and the potential for misunderstanding.
I did communication studies in both my agricultural and theology degrees. Both emphasised that we lose control of a message the moment it leaves us.
One quite recent case of miscommunication left two women vilified and harassed in social media.
An elderly Lady in Waiting of the late Queen was at an early gathering of the new King and Queen. She would have attended many royal functions to socialise with guests and make them feel welcome. She asked a woman of African descent an open question she would have used hundreds of times.
Where are you from?
The woman of African decent replied ‘Birmingham’ .
What she heard in the question was , you do not come from England. You are a foreigner, and you are not welcome. She heard a racist statement. Sadly, the conversation did not go on with a discussion of Birmingham. The Lady in Waiting asked “where do you really come from? This confirmed for the woman from Birmingham that it was a racist attack. She went public. The Lady in Waiting was soundly condemned as a racist and as retired from her position.
While deeply sad for the Lady in Waiting, I am grateful for the publicity around this event. I had no idea that asking where someone came from could be heard as a racist statement that implied the person was not welcome. I have been guilty of asking people the same question. It is about my curiosity and it can be a wonderful conversation starter.
When I got to Lincoln College it was a standard opening line for New Zealanders, and among the international students, a chance to learn about their home land. Until this controversy I was unaware that my question could be taken as racist and imply that the person was not welcome.
My partner’s username is BEEHRE and people often ask where it comes from. It can lead to a lively conversation. South Africa but before that Germany and a story of migration at the time of the “Boar War”
But the lady in waiting was not the only one vilified. The woman from Birmingham was also the subject of a social media attack.
Many people heard the Lady and Waiting’s question as a polite conversation starter and the woman from Birmingham’s reaction over the top, uncalled for, and disrespectful to an elderly person. I do not know if the Lady in Waiting was racist. But I do know that is only one of the possible interpretations.
I don’t know what the woman from Birmingham’s experience with racism is either, and what lead to her reaction. I understand a meeting between to the two took place some time later – the same question and completely different takes on it.
We hear through our own filters. Communication is a fragile process.
Art can be the same. I remember seeing a painting of the Israelites on a hillside with the Red Sea closing in on the Egyptians. At the water’s edge is an Israelite reaching his hand out to a drowning Egyptian. Is this a statement of forgiveness?
Is it a hint of the compassion of God, or a criticism of God?
Was it highlighting that young men pay the price for the decisions of the ruling classes? Were they lovers? I have no idea what the artist was saying. But I took the message of compassion and reconciliation. The artist lost control of the message with his or her last brush stroke. I made my own story which is probably what the artist wanted me to do.
Working in the hospital I am very aware of the potential for miscommunication. One situation is the difficult conversation around withdrawing treatment, when a patient is deemed to be brain dead. Much care is taken to involve the family in the process of determining brain death. At times there is a second part to the discussion. Once agreement to withdrawing treatment has been made there can be a question about organ donation.
One of the Catholic Chaplains was present in a discussion recently. She said the relief of the medical staff when the family said yes, was obvious to her. The patient was a person of colour.
Clinicians know that a family can hear this request as saying, we are giving up on your loved one because we have someone who wants his heart. If the patient belongs to a minority group the chances are greater of the family seeing this as a discriminatory act.
Doctors have training in how to have these difficult conversations, but it is always a relief when it goes well. Miss communication can happen so easily. When we talk we have no way of controlling what people will hear. And I have no control on what you are hearing now. What I think I am saying and what you hear me say could be quite different. For that reason I have been very careful with self-disclosure.
A couple of years ago I met a frail, elderly lady who was anything but frail in her anger at the Doctor in ED, who while doing her admittance process was working through goals and care. She was asked if she had a cardiac arrest, would she want to be resuscitated. I know the correct procedure for this is to explain the risks of resuscitation for an elderly patient. She told me “the hospital does not care for elderly. They just want them all to die. The hospital see the elderly as a burden on society.” Well she had paid her taxes and she deserved all the treatment that was available. Full stop.
She was not open to the information that this was standard for all patients to have such a discussion around likely events.
Most patients welcome this discussion. They seek the information and make a sound decision based on being informed. With this frail elderly lady the staff would have been put in the traumatising position of having to do procedures that would inflict suffering, like breaking ribs. If she did not die at the time she would have died of double pneumonia a few days later and with broken ribs not being able to cough. Thankfully she did not have a cardiac arrest.
As New Zealanders, Citizens of Aotearoa, we face a communication problem. Why are the The Treaty of Waitangi and Te Tiriti different? This will forever challenge this nation.
Over the years a number of explanations have been put forward.
One that influences much of the narrative is that of Ruth Ross a NZ historian from the 70’s . She believes that Henry Williams deliberately deceived Maori chiefs and missionaries were responsible for deceiving Maori. This is what my partner Marks son was taught in the new History curriculum.
Others have said that the missionaries did not understand the language, which is not likely after translating the whole of the Bible and being trusted to formulate the Declaration of Independence.
Recent scholarship indicates that forming a treaty was the result of a Christian group in the UK that had been responsible for the end of slavery. The next generation had turned its attention to the plight of indigenous people in the colonies. They engineered the process that gave the treaty, and say the English version used ‘sovereignty’ as it was sent to state capitals in Europe and America to stop them from thinking New Zealand was free for colonising, and Te Tiriti was the intended document and the one signed. Henry Williams lost control of how his document would be understood when the ink dried. We can only do our best at understanding him as a man and the political circumstances of the time.
In the readings this morning we have David dancing wearing just a short piece of cloth. His first wife, we read, did not see this in the same light as David. Why? We do not know.
And is David right when he assumes the young females present just see him celebrating? He had no control over how people interpreted his actions. I wonder if Bathsheba was present.
Now bringing her into the sermon will have raised/triggered a multitude of thoughts as to what I am thinking and value judgments.
Next – the parable of the prodigal son. Did the father have any idea how his actions would be interpreted by his older son? A while back I made the suggestion that the father did not consider the older sons feeling and a couple of people here agreed with me.
Now I have given some examples of the difficulty of communication. I wonder if I have triggered memories for you of misunderstandings. I know I have a lot of personal ones I could have given.
The difference between what is said and what is heard can course lots of hurt. It can cause conflict and divisions. It can lead to broken relationships. Now I could come up with a biblical solution but my dear mum had given me a simple way of preventing unnecessary conflict. She had a saying “If it is hard to believe then maybe you have got the wrong end of the stick.”
If you hear someone say or they did something that is offensive, hurtful, racist, ageist, sexist, phobic, insensitive etc then check it out. Ask what they meant by the statement. Get them to clarify the thinking and the life experience behind the statement. Open the pathway for discussion.
In his book ‘Beyond Hope” Bariz Shah, a refugee who arrived in NZ nine weeks before 9/11 aged 6, writes that he grew up in an ISLAMAPHOBIC environment. Every time he was asked where he came from he heard it as a racist statement. As an adult, and following the mosque attacks, he made a trip to Afghanistan. When people their looked at him for too long he realised they were curious, not racist. They wanted to know where this returnee had been living. On retuning to New Zealand he was able to hear/see the potential for curiosity when people look for too long. At least enough to enter into discussion and find out where they are coming from and to help them understand the experience of a refugee and a Muslim.
So this brings us to the end of the sermon. And a good sermon will come back to the beginning.
Blessed are the cheese makers. I think we all know that what Jesus really said was “blessed are the peace makers.” Taking time to clarify communications is one way we can be peace makers. When we hear, or read on line something that sounds out of character, discriminatory or phobic and we take the time to clarify what is being said rather than take it for what we think was meant, then we are being peace makers.
When we see a situation where there is miscommunication and we mediate we are being peace makers. When we sense we have been misunderstood, and seek to clarify, we are being peace makers.
My dear mother would have been 100 today.
“If it is hard to believe then chances are you have got the wrong end of the stick”.
Take time to clarify, and understand where someone is coming from.
Not many people set out to offend or be offensive.
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Audio of selected readings and reflections
Audio of the complete service
THANK YOU